we could have been
by blainedarling
Summary: A collection of angst-driven Seblaine stories, based upon a fanmix of the same name.
1. One More Night

**A/N: If anyone's reading this, sure that they've read it before, you might have done. I previously had this uploaded as a one shot but I'm turning it into an collection...**

* * *

Text to Sebastian: My professor's an asshole.

Text to Blaine: I'll see you in ten minutes.

_You and I go hard, at each other like we going to war_

_You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin' the door_

Blaine doesn't get a word in before he's being pushed roughly up against the door, Sebastian's mouth claiming his in a hungry kiss.

"He fucking _failed_ me," Blaine finally panted out grumpily, when Sebastian moved his mouth to the shorter man's neck. "I spent weeks on that project!"

Sebastian hummed in agreement, grabbing at Blaine's ass, lifting his head a little to pepper kisses along his jaw.

"Bedroom?" Sebastian murmured, with a grin, one eyebrow cocked.

Blaine responded by jumping up, slinging his legs tightly around Sebastian's waist, cupping his face in his hands as he went in for another kiss. Sebastian stumbled them towards his bedroom, mouths meeting messily, desperately, as they did. He heard things knocking to the floor, furniture shifting. Later, he'd be annoyed about it. Not right now.

They didn't make it to the bed, in the end. It wasn't the first time Sebastian had ended up fucking Blaine into the faded carpet of his bedroom, while Blaine growled beneath him about friction burns.

"It's a Friday," Sebastian commented when they finally crawled into bed, a tangle of sweaty bodies and half thrown off blankets.

"Very observant," Blaine mumbled, his eyelids already drooping, his body relaxed and floppy against the pleasant cool of the bed.

"Guess that means you're staying over then," Sebastian stated more than asked, looking down to find Blaine already asleep by his side.

_You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score_

_You and I get sick, yeah and I know that we can't do this no more_

Blaine awoke slowly, stretching his arms over his head, wincing as the sunlight hit his eyes through the thin blinds. The bed was empty, but he could hear Sebastian in the kitchen, clattering around in his typical obnoxious Saturday morning fashion.

He sighed, laying back on the bed as he replayed the events of last night. It was just like any other night between them, really. They'd been playing this game for close to a year now. Sebastian didn't want a boyfriend. Blaine didn't want to be alone.

Blaine swore under his breath as he swung his legs out of bed, his knees a deep red from the burning carpet the previous night. He rolled his eyes; he'd told Sebastian repeatedly, not that he seemed to care. With a sigh, he dug out his phone, frowning at his mother's number on the screen. One new voicemail.

_Blaine, honey, where are you? You're not answering the phone at your apartment either. If you could- oh, maybe you're... Oh, I'm so sorry! Call me later...I want to know all about him! Oh, it's mom, by the way. And your brother's looking for you. Bye!_

Blaine tossed the phone back into the pile of his clothes, running his hands through his hair with a groan. This had to stop. This had to be the end. He grabbed his clothes with purpose, dressing quickly. He was going to walk out there and say goodbye to Sebastian. For good, this time.

_But baby there you again, there you again, making me love you_

_Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go_

"There you are," Sebastian said with a soft laugh, pushing his reading glasses up his nose before turning back to the newspaper splayed across his lap.

Blaine sucked in a breath, his resolve melting away as he looked at the table. Pancakes, bacon, fruit, maple syrup..._coffee._

"Is that for me?" Blaine asked, trying not to grin as he sat down at the table, looking down at a plate with a stack of pancakes, a winking face painted on the top in chocolate spread.

"Obviously," Sebastian replied with a smirk, tossing his newspaper onto the table as he tucked into his own breakfast, legs crossed beneath him as he perched on the chair.

Blaine sighed inwardly, observing the man across from him. He never loved Sebastian more than in the mornings. When his hair stuck up at odd angles; no trace of the usual, well applied product as in the days. When he wore his oldest, filthiest shirts; threadbare and thin against his toned chest. When he had those damn glasses on, that fell down his nose more often than Blaine could count. When he'd stretch out one of his long legs, to kick Blaine playfully under the breakfast table. When he'd scrunch up his nose and pull Blaine against his body for a half-hug; smelling purely like Sebastian, the spicy tang of his cologne long since faded away for the day.

_Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo_

_And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you_

Blaine's phone started ringing the moment he'd stepped out onto the street. He gave a wave up to Sebastian, who grinned back from where his head was stuck out of the window of his apartment, before answering it. _Kurt_.

Kurt called almost every other week, purely for the purpose of trying to set him up on various blind dates. Every other week, they were Blaine's _dream man_, who he just _had to meet_. Sometimes he'd indulge his friend and meet with them. They were great, fine. Blaine would say goodbye with a polite kiss at the end of the night, promise to call with a sincere, warm smile, before taking the A train back to Sebastian's apartment.

There was one; one man that nearly pulled Blaine out. He'd been charming, intelligent, fun. He'd made Blaine not only laugh, but actually mean it. They'd gone on three dates, none of which had ended up with him going to Sebastian's. Date four and Blaine was considering inviting him back to his place after their meal, when he'd found him blowing the waiter outside of the restroom.

"Forget him," Sebastian had murmured into his ear as he pushed into Blaine that night, his hands digging possessively into Blaine's hips.

So, Blaine did.

_So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I'll only stay with you one more night_

_And I know I said it a million times_

_But I'll only stay with you one more night_

"This is the last time," Blaine whispered as he tugged Sebastian gently towards his room.

Sebastian smirked, nodding in agreement. "Of course, babe. Just one more night," he murmured, his hands falling to Blaine's hip as he mouthed at his neck.

Blaine moaned, tilting his head back instinctively to allow Sebastian better access. The back of his knees hit the bed and he fell back on it gratefully; his knees would have given out in moments.

Sebastian knew all his weak spots. The shell of his ear, nibbled and sucked on gently. His left side, fingers grazed lightly over the tanned skin. The palm of his hand, a kiss pressed to the centre enough to have him melting under Sebastian's triumphant smirk. His hip, more often than not marked with the curve of Sebastian's mouth or the indent of his fingers.

"One more night," Blaine breathed, as Sebastian slid into him slowly, bodies pressed flush together as they rocked each other up to their highs and down again, until there was nothing left between them but heated puffs of air.

_Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes_

_Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath_

_No_, Blaine wanted to say. _We're not doing this anymore, _he wanted to cry out. But, Sebastian hands were warm under his shirt, teasing lightly at the skin. Blaine arched into the touch, his hands already locking onto Sebastian's shoulders, urging him _closer_, begging for _more_.

_We need to stop,_ his mind screamed at him when Sebastian reached for the buckle of his pants. Sebastian paused, gazing at him the way he always gazed at him in that moment. Asking for permission. If Blaine said stop, Sebastian would stop. But, he could never say it. Would never say it.

_I'd be waking up in the morning probably hating myself_

_And I'd be waking up feeling satisfied but guilty as hell_

Blaine woke up to a note left on the bed, scrawled in Sebastian's usually neat handwriting. He must have been in a hurry when he left.

_Had to run, see you soon babe. _

He tore at the note, sending the shards of paper flying to the ground in a whirl, fluttering slightly as they landed in a heap on the bed. His phone was ringing on the nightstand, but he ignored it, curling into a ball on the bed, knees drawn tightly up to his chest.

Blaine's body felt warm, pliant. He'd slept well, as he always did when he fell asleep next to Sebastian, sated and buzzing from the rush of the night before. But, he felt sick. He'd tried making himself sick before, just to get rid of the feeling. It was never enough. He could retch until there was nothing left, but it wouldn't rid him of the disgust with himself. He could soak in a bath for an entire day, but it wouldn't make him feel any cleaner.

_Yeah baby give me one more night_

_Yeah baby give me one more night_

_Yeah baby give me one more night_

"I need you," Blaine panted, his muscles aching as he lay across the bed, arms bound to the headboard tightly, the knots unforgiving.

Sebastian smirked up at him, his mouth returning to trace gentle patterns over his hips, his hands firmly pressed against Blaine's torso to keep him from moving.

"I need you," Blaine whined, pushing back onto Sebastian's fingers desperately as the other man pressed gentle kisses to the back of his neck, down the curve of his spine. All the while, his fingers fucking into him relentlessly, yet torturously slowly.

"I need you," Blaine murmured, his fingers entwined with Sebastian's as they ground together gently, bodies slipping against the others naturally.

Sebastian smiled, his eyes warm, as he slipped his hand between them, a few strokes enough to have them spiraling out of control together. Heat settled between their bodies as they lay, forehead to forehead, chest to chest, hip to hip.

_I don't know, whatever..._

Blaine walked away from Sebastian's apartment that morning, bag thrown over his shoulder, the midday sun too hot against his already burning skin. He couldn't control it. He couldn't say goodbye to Sebastian, as much as he knew he had to.

So, Blaine carried on in the way he'd come to know as normal. He attended his classes, got frustrated and found his way to Sebastian's waiting embrace. He went on petty dates with the finest pick of New York's selection, with the knowledge of Sebastian there at the end of the night. Every time, it would just be one more night. But, both Blaine and Sebastian knew that that one more night would never become one _last_ night.


	2. Mr Brightside

**A/N: **Part two, _finally!_ Based on the song of the same name by The Killers.

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_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

Sebastian had been just fine on his own. He'd been perfectly content with the walls he'd built up to protect himself. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. It was simple, easy and uncomplicated, just the way he liked it.

Or, at least, it had been until Blaine Anderson had reappeared into his life. It was a strange effect the other man had on him, and always had had as long as Sebastian had known him. There was something about Blaine that made him not just want to be a better man, but to want to let him in.

They'd become friends again; maybe even best friends, but Sebastian had never quite dared to ask. Back in high school, Sebastian had allowed Blaine to see glimpses of his real self in what, back then, he would have called moments of weakness. He realised only later that those were the times when he was strongest of all.

It was different, in those early days when the pair were reunited, a chance meeting in a coffee shop on a cold and windy day. Sebastian had new defenses built up but there were chinks in the armor and Blaine still knew just how to find them.

In some ways, Sebastian couldn't even find it in himself to be frustrated at how easily Blaine got to him, as he had been once. That someone was willing to take the time to even try sent an unfamiliar warmth coursing from his head right down to the tips of his toes, a flurry of sparks shooting through his stomach. From time to time, he would even let himself entertain the possibility that maybe it could become something more; usually late at night as he lay tossing and turning in the cool sheets of his bed, hand slipping into his underwear with a breathy sigh.

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this?_

_It was only a kiss_

_It was only a kiss_

It was a December night, an icy wind racing through the streets that hinted that the first signs of snow were on the horizon. Blaine had finally managed to get Sebastian to agree to meet him to do a little Christmas shopping together, and now the man himself was late.

Sebastian jammed his hands into his pockets, burying his face in his scarf as much as he could, the wind sending chills racing up and down his spine unpleasantly. He rolled his eyes, somewhat affectionately, as Blaine hurtled around the corner, nearly skidding on the streets that were just starting to frost up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my boss would not stop talking," Blaine sighed, screeching to a halt in front of him.

Sebastian just shook his head, tutting under his breath, although there was a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth. He watched as Blaine's eyelashes fluttered, his gaze darting around them to look at the glittering display of festive decorations along the street before they fell back onto Sebastian. His cheeks were pink from the cold, wild curls just peeking out of the brim of his hat in exactly the way Sebastian knew he hated.

"What?" Blaine asked, laughing softly, his head tilted in question.

"Your hair is taking over," Sebastian teased, reluctantly pulling a hand out of the warmth of his pocket to tuck the offending curl back under.

Blaine nearly went cross-eyed as he tried to watch, his tongue just peeking out in concentration. "Oh," he grumbled, letting out a huff of breath that glowed white in the air before vanishing.

"You need gloves," Blaine commented, grabbing Sebastian's hand before he could lower it completely and holding onto it tightly. He leaned down a little, blowing warm air onto Sebastian's palm a few times.

Sebastian could feel the tickle of his breath send goosebumps all the way up his arm. "Who needs gloves when I've got you?"

Blaine looked up, his mouth opening as if to retort but he paused. Somewhere in their interaction, they'd ended up taking a step closer to one another, their bodies now lined up. If Sebastian leaned down just a little, his nose would brush Blaine's quite easily. Something uncertain flashed through Blaine's eyes before he rocked up onto his tip toes, cold lips pressing to his for just a moment before he dropped back down.

Sebastian blinked a few times, wetting his lips slowly, before leaning down. He didn't give Blaine a chance to flush or apologise, or whatever else he might have done, just tucked his hand firmly around the back of his neck and pressed their lips back together again. Blaine's arms slipped around his waist as Sebastian sucked his lower lip into his mouth, and the first snowflakes began to fall.

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

From that first kiss, things had quickly heated up between the two of them. For whatever reason, Blaine had got it into his head that Sebastian was only interested in a casual relationship, no strings attached. Sebastian had never bothered to correct him. He'd always assumed when it came to Blaine, it would be all or nothing, and for him, he would have been prepared to give all. But, just as the question was never asked, Sebastian never offered.

As much as it shouldn't have, it worked for them. They were friends and they were lovers but the line between the two was clear and obvious. They were never both at the same time; it was never a relationship.

It was May when Sebastian first found out that Blaine was seeing someone else. A someone else that he'd been seeing for close to a month by then, but hadn't thought it necessary to tell Sebastian until it looked like it would be turning into something more.

"So, what, that's just it?" Sebastian asked quietly, laying propped up on his elbows in the bed as he watched Blaine get dressed. The sheets weren't even cool yet, the sweat on his skin barely dried.

"This was never going to be a long-term thing, Bas," Blaine shrugged, ducking under the bed to dig out his right shoe that had been kicked under there at some point.

"Give a guy a little advance warning next time, hm?" Sebastian grunted, flopping down onto the bed, trying to ignore the wrenching feeling in his gut.

"Aw," Blaine cooed, popping up again as he tugged on the shoe. "There there, I'm sure you'll be just fine with the however many other men you have along with me." He leaned over the bed to kiss Sebastian's forehead with a large smacking sound before taking off, calling out over his shoulder that he'd call him later.

Except that Sebastian hadn't been with anyone else in all the months since that first kiss with Blaine out in the cold, December street. He had Blaine, he didn't need anyone else. Or, rather, he had had Blaine.

Sebastian closed his eyes, curling into a ball on his side, hoping to push it all aside and just fall into a peaceful slumber. _Things always look better in the morning_, his mother had used to say to him. _You just have to go to sleep. _He wished later that he had stayed up all night instead.

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

It was as if he was floating just outside the window of Blaine's apartment. He could see them - Blaine, and this man of his. In his subconscious, he looked like Kurt, the boy who had kept Blaine from him all those years ago. He watched with a growing sensation of nausea as the man tugged Blaine towards the bed, hands on his hips. They were laughing, soft lustful chuckles of desire and love.

_But she's touching his chest now_

_He takes off her dress now_

_Let me go_

_And I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control_

The man's hands were moving up, over Blaine's chest and arms, tugging his shirt from his pants as they fell back onto the bed. They were moving with more purpose, breaths turning to pants as they struggled with clothes, bodies entwining.

Sebastian wanted to scream, to reach out and tug him away. Away from his Blaine; skin that he had touched, lips that he had kissed, a warmth that he had once believed to be his when it never had been.

He struggled at the invisible grips on his body, keeping him locked, unable to move away from watching the scene unfold, no more capable to burst in and stop what was happening. He was just suspended in mid-air, forced to endure the ache of watching Blaine scream a man's name, that wasn't his own.

Sebastian woke up in his own bed what could have been seconds or hours later, his heart hammering furiously in his chest. His mouth was dry and rough, his skin burning although he was shivering. He glanced up at the open window, storming across the room to slam it shut before sinking down into the bed. He didn't let himself sleep again that night.

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

Sebastian didn't see Blaine for nearly a month. He dodged text messages, calls, emails, feigning everything from a highly infectious flu to a heavy workload. He should have known that Blaine would catch up to him eventually, tracking him down to the corner of his favourite coffee shop where he sat with a thick book and a mug of tea, glasses propped up on his nose, hair tousled and unkempt.

"You've been avoiding me," Blaine stated, dropping down into the chair next to him uninvited.

Sebastian looked up over the top of his book for a moment, before dropping his gaze back down. "I've been busy."

Blaine had taken to styling his hair more carefully again, it seemed, and he was clean shaven to boot. Sebastian could remember spending whole weekends with a wild haired, scruffy Blaine as they moved from the bed only when it was absolutely necessary, and even then it was just to the bathroom or kitchen.

"I can see that," Blaine mumbled, raising an eyebrow at the book. "Not like you've read that book a hundred times already."

"How's whatshisname?" Sebastian mumbled, his jaw set as he stared at the page he was no longer reading.

"He's good, we're really good," Blaine murmured, tracing circles on the surface of the table as he smiled softly.

"Wonderful, so happy for you," Sebastian replied curtly, turning a page to keep up his act.

Blaine sighed, tugging the book from his hands. "Just what is your problem? You don't even know him!"

"I don't need to know him to know he's not good enough for you," Sebastian snapped, reaching out for his book, which the other man stubbornly kept held out of his reach.

"Oh, and who is, then? You?"

There was a pause, Blaine's face showing instant regret at the words, Sebastian's expression passive, not even a flicker of emotion. It was the final building block in the reconstruction of the wall around Sebastian's life.

"No, not me," Sebastian said quietly, standing up and tugging the book out of his hands as he grabbed his things. "I'll see you around, Blaine."

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

That night, Sebastian went out for the first time in over half a year. He pulled on his tightest pair of jeans and his favourite shirt, the right amount of product in his hair and slipped a fresh condom into his wallet. As he looked in the mirror before he went out, he let his usual smirk slip back onto his face. That was the Sebastian that he knew best. The only thing that was off, although he refused to acknowledge it, was the glimmer in his eye, the playful gleam. One of the many things to get lost in the debris.

The club was full, bodies grinding together in the damp, dark heat. The bartender looked surprised to see him, a returned regular, slapping down his usual drink.

"I was starting to think you'd gotten a boyfriend," he chuckled, winking before he turned to the next man waiting at the bar.

Sebastian laughed bitterly, downing the drink in one gulp as he let his eyes trail over the men in the club.

Within seconds of him stepping out onto the dance floor, there was a man at his side, tall, attractive, broad shouldered with dark eyes that smoldered in the flickering lights. Within ten minutes, he was in the bathroom with one hand in the man's hair as he fucked into the warm heat of his mouth.

When Sebastian stumbled back to his apartment that night, he'd had far too much to drink and more orgasms than he could count on one hand. He grinned as he stepped through the front door, congratulating himself on a successful night. He winced when he bumped into the table in the hallway, knocking a photo frame down.

Sebastian paused, picking it up to look at the smiling faces of Blaine and himself, taken that December night, standing out in the falling snow. He threw it to the floor, the glass shattering against the wood, the photo itself falling face down.

"Blaine?" he slurred to himself with a cold laugh as he wandered into his bedroom, kicking at the shards of glass along the way. "Blaine who?"


	3. My Dark Side

**A/N: **Yadda yadda, from the song, as usual. **Warnings!** alcoholism and violence. Also, the French might be wrong because I've never properly learned the imperative so I had to give myself a quick Google-aided lesson, which is always risky. And this is the only one in the collection with a happy ending, so, enjoy!

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_There's a place that I know_

_It's not pretty there and few have ever gone_

_If I show it to you now_

_Will it make you run away?_

It had started years ago, back when he'd lived in Paris as a teenager. Sebastian's parents had been on the verge of what became a very messy divorce and he'd spend his evenings listening to the sounds of them shrieking ruthlessly at one another, often followed by the ring of his father's hand slapping across his mother's face.

In the morning, they would act as if nothing had happened. _Darling_ was tacked on the end to every other sentence, but their smiles were forced, their eyes cold. Should his father even brush past his mother as he walked from the breakfast table, she would flinch, her eyes shutting momentarily before she slipped her mask into place.

Sebastian soon found that the fights preoccupied them enough to not notice should he silently slip out of the house late at night. It almost disappointed him that he didn't have to attempt an elaborate sneaking out from his bedroom window; even the click of the front door closing not enough to deter his parents from screaming one another hoarse.

The first couple of nights, Sebastian found himself simply wandering through the brightly lit streets of Paris, sneering at the tourists as they stumbled around, blindly following their out of date, ridiculously large maps and kicking his feet along the road.

One Saturday, he bumped into a girl he knew by sight alone - she went to the same school as him, although they'd never spoken and he would only have been able to guess at her name.

"Sebastian!" she cried, grabbing at his arm and tugging him towards the open door she was standing outside of, flicking the butt of her cigarette to the ground. _"Viens à l'intérieur! Viens avec nous!" _("Come inside! Join us!")

Sebastian was hesitant at first - he knew nothing about the girl, let alone whose house it was she was trying to drag him into. He paused, thinking it over for a moment. He had barely any friends in the city, his parents rarely even noticed his existence anymore and his older sister had left for college at the start of that year.

_"Guide le chemin."_ ("Lead the way.")

Those were the people who encouraged Sebastian to live, for the first time, as if every day were their last. They drank excessively, smoked anything they could get their hands on until they could barely make out on another's face through the haze and sex was more commonplace than bottled water.

Sebastian learned a lot from them, but never did he feel pressured to do anything he didn't want to. He'd tried smoking a few times but found it wasn't for him; something the group respected and understood. That he was gay wasn't something that bothered them either, exemplified in the two gorgeous boys they found for him, that he lost his virginity to a snowy December night; the taller of the two biting down on his neck as he fucked into his ass slowly, the shorter's eyes fixed on Sebastian's as he sank down over his cock.

Drinking, however, was what Sebastian enjoyed the most. He would spend long nights creating concoctions with whatever alcohol he could find, more often than not passing out on the cool wooden floor of the house of the girl he'd met that first night after he'd drunk his finished creation.

Alcohol remained his escape all throughout high school and well into his college years. When he and Blaine started dating, he told him he didn't drink at all. The truth was, he didn't drink in front of other people. A glass of wine over dinner, a cocktail at bar, it wasn't enough to satisfy the ache that went through him. Instead he would refine himself to when he was alone, when he needed it, and then he would drink and drink until the the wall of his apartment was a blur before him and his legs could no longer keep him upright.

The first time Blaine discovered his secret was a rainy day in late February. Sebastian had come home from yet another horrible day at work: deadlines he kept missing, his temporary boss (Miranda was on maternity leave) a psychotic maniac and he hadn't even had the time to have a decent meal in weeks.

Blaine had a spare key to Sebastian's apartment and when his boyfriend hadn't responded to his knocks for ten minutes, although he could see the light streaming under the door, he decided it would be necessary for him to use it.

He found Sebastian laying half off the couch in his living room, shivering despite the warmth of his apartment, empty bottles scattered around him, his eyes half closed.

"Whatcha doing here?" Sebastian slurred, cracking one eye open enough to register Blaine's presence before settling his head back against the couch, smacking his dry lips together.

Blaine could do nothing but open and close his mouth a few times, before finally shaking himself out of it, walking swiftly to the kitchen to fill up a glass with water. He brought it back to his boyfriend, leaning down next to him and coaxing him upright enough to help him bring it to his lips.

"No, no!" Sebastian protested, pushing the glass away, sending it crashing to the floor, water seeping out over the rug.

Blaine sighed, returning to the kitchen for a fresh glass and sitting down next to Sebastian that time. He put the glass safely down on the table for the time being, turning to the other man and pulling him up to sit fully on the couch, before pushing the hair back from his forehead. "I don't understand, Bas," he murmured finally, still carding his fingers through his hair.

Sebastian flopped down onto Blaine's lap, rolling over so he could look up at him. "I lied," he stage-whispered, before bursting into hysterical giggles. "I do drink! All the time! Lots of it!"

"I can see that," Blaine replied dryly, taking Sebastian's hands firmly in his own to stop him flailing around before he ended up knocking himself out. "Why?"

Sebastian shrugged, yawning as he curled himself towards Blaine's stomach. "I'll tell you about it some time," he mumbled, promptly passing out, one hand fisted in Blaine's shirt.

Blaine managed to extract himself from his boyfriend's grasp without waking him, tucking him up more comfortably on the couch and tidying up the apartment before making use of Sebastian's bed. He slept in fits, waking up every other hour to check that yes, Sebastian was still on the couch and yes, he was still breathing.

When Sebastian awoke the next morning, there was a cup of coffee and several glasses of water lined up on the table waiting for him, Blaine kneeling at his side. He knew from the stale taste in his mouth and the pounding in the back of his head that he'd been drinking the night before and could just remember talking with Blaine, even though he couldn't recall what had been said.

"You're still here," he whispered, frowning a little as he pulled himself up to a sitting position, drawing his knees up to his chest.

Blaine nodded, moving to his side and wrapping an arm around his waist tightly. "Of course I am," he murmured, leaning forward to brush his nose with his own. "I'm not going anywhere."

_Or will you stay_

_Even if it hurts_

_Even if I try to push you out_

_Will you return?_

Blaine had spent his entire life trying to live up his father's expectations of him. His brother was a (self-proclaimed) success out in Los Angeles and this left the younger Anderson with the future of the family business on his shoulders. From a young age, before he even quite knew what he was talking about, Blaine had been very vocal about not wanting to do _"whatever boring thing daddy does, I hate that suit"_ but his father had never wavered on it.

It was an evening in late fall and Blaine had been summoned by his parents to sit down and talk about college choices for the next year. Blaine, jaw set and mind firmly made up, spread out a selection of brochures for dance schools across the table. After endless pleading, his parents had allowed him to take dance lessons since he was a young child, in everything from ballet to jazz to tap. They had assumed it was something he would grow out of.

"Blaine, these are not suitable schools for you," his father sneered, pushing the stack of brochures to the floor with a thump and laying down four in their place. _Yale. Harvard. Princeton. Columbia._ "If it were up to me," his father continued. "You wouldn't even consider Columbia - you know how I feel about New York - but I have decided to give you the choice."

Blaine gaped for a moment, looking between his parents: his mother, sitting silent, gaze cast downwards; his father stern yet disinterested.

"This is what you call giving me a choice?" Blaine asked in disbelief, picking up the nearest brochure and tearing it straight down the middle.

"When are you going to grow up and stop acting like such a child?" his father hissed, slamming his hand down onto the wooden table.

"Maybe when you two stop treating me like one," Blaine screamed, standing up so violently that his chair flew over.

He turned around, ignoring his father completely, storming from the house. He paused in the hallway, picking up a foul and unnecessarily expensive vase that his father had bought two years ago. Glancing over his shoulder to see that his father was indeed following him, he threw it forcefully towards the wall where it smashed into a hundred thousand tiny little pieces.

"It looks a lot nicer now," Blaine commented with a grin before he stomped out of the house.

Sometimes, Blaine wondered if something had gone wrong when he was a child. Perhaps he'd been exposed to some dangerous chemical, like the Hulk, or his mother had been an alcoholic while she'd been pregnant. He generally thought that the first possibility seemed more plausible than the second.

Regardless of why it was so, it was as if there was a fuse inside of him. Typically, Blaine was polite, respectful, enthusiastic and strong-willed. But, should something tip him over the edge, ignite that fuse until he was burning from the inside out, he was like an entirely different person. Loud, destructive and more than a little violent - fortunately, his violence was usually reserved solely to expensive ornaments and other household items, rather than people.

Three months after Blaine found out about Sebastian's drinking problem, his own secret was revealed. He'd blown yet another audition, his trust fund running dangerously dry and with his part-time job paying the absolute minimum, he barely had enough money to keep the water going, let alone to eat.

For the most part, he'd learned by then to take out his anger on a punching bag; no mess or law suits involved. However, after spotting him at the gym a few weeks in a row, a slightly older man had approached him and asked if he wanted to join an underground fight club. There was something so much more satisfying about punching a man square in the jaw than the target on a rubber bag swinging from a ceiling.

The club was just a few blocks away from Sebastian's office and as he walked home that day, he couldn't help but catch a name being passed around by a group of men that were making their way to the back door of a building.

"Blaine's apparently in a foul mood tonight."

"Packs a hell of a punch for a little guy."

"I can see why he'd make a good dancer, he's so nimble."

Sebastian's curiosity was peaked and he carefully followed a small distance behind the group, ducking through the door and into the shadows. His jaw dropped open as he watched Blaine and a man nearly twice his size in the middle of the crowded room. The man didn't stand a chance, Blaine throwing punches left, right and center, ducking smoothly out of the way every time he tried to retaliate.

He had to admit that Blaine looked hot like that, muscles in his arms flexing, sweat pooling in his collarbone, curls breaking free. But, that wasn't enough to mask how it scared him. There was a dark violence he could see in Blaine's eyes, even from that distance. The sound of the last hit as the other man went down had Sebastian reeling back to his teen days, to the sound of his mother's choking cries.

Blaine didn't notice him until he was about to leave, Sebastian stepping out of the shadows and taking a firm grip on his arm.

"Sebastian," he breathed, his face panicked as he struggled to find the right words.

"What is this?" Sebastian snapped, looking around the emptying underground space in disgust. "Is this how you get your kicks? By beating the shit out of innocent guys?"

"They come here voluntarily," Blaine hissed, wrenching his arm free. "It's not my fault they suck."

An involuntary smile twitched at the corner of Sebastian's mouth as he folded his arms across his chest.

Blaine sighed, rubbing his face in exhaustion. "Let me explain over dinner?" he asked, offering his hand, palm face up, to Sebastian.

Sebastian hesitated only a moment before accepting it, tucking the shorter man close to his side.

_And remind me who I really am_

_Please remind me who I really am_

There were always going to be bad days. Stressful days, frustrating days. Days that made Sebastian want to drink and Blaine want to hit someone. But, that was exactly why they had each other.

Blaine had whizzed through the audition process for the company of a dance-based musical that was starting off-Broadway in a few weeks time. Sebastian had got promoted and asked Blaine to move in.

Sebastian and Blaine balanced one another out. Some days, they would both come crashing in to their apartment, shaking and desperate for their own kinds of release, but neither one would let the other fall.

Instead, they would spend the evening laying on the smooth wooden floor, hands connected, matching their breathing to one another and exchanging few words until it passed. They were each other's anchor, pulling the other to calmer shores.

_Everybody's got a dark side_

_Do you love me?_

_Can you love mine?_

Blaine twisted his ankle on a Tuesday, the week before the show opened. He limped home, shaking and shivering, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He threw open the door to find Sebastian sitting at the dining room table, a half empty bottle of whisky in front of him.

"Oh, did your boss yell at you again?" Blaine sneered, tossing his bag to the floor with a thump as he walked over to the table.

Sebastian was silent, simply taking another long drink from the bottle before putting it down again.

"Answer me," Blaine yelled, picking up the bottle and throwing it against the wall, the alcohol seeping into the wallpaper.

Sebastian looked up, his face calm and composed. "My father died."

_Nobody's a picture perfect_

_But we're worth it_

_You know that we're worth it_

_Will you love me?_

_Even with my dark side?_

"Sebastian," Blaine whispered, dropping down to his knees next to his boyfriend's chair, resting his head against his thigh. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His shoulders were shaking as he wept, Sebastian still sitting perfectly still.

Finally, Sebastian moved his hand to card through Blaine's curls gently, letting out a shaky breath. "I'm going to drink some water. You're going to clean that up. And then we're going to lay together."

Blaine looked up, his eyes wide and warm as he nodded. His Blaine was back.

_Like a diamond_

_From black dust_

_It's hard to know_

_What can become_

_If you give up_

_So don't give up on me_

_Please remind me who I really am_

The kitchen was a mess - shatters of glass and crockery spread across the floor, a knife sticking precariously out of the wood of the counter.

"I have to leave," Blaine whispered once again, his hands shaking as he tried for the fifth time to put his shoe on.

"No, you don't," Sebastian murmured, watching him carefully, yet standing a few feet away, just in case.

"I could have.." Blaine trailed off, gesturing towards the kitchen. "It's for the best. I need to stay away from you."

"No, you need to stay right here, with me. I need you, Blaine Anderson," Sebastian growled, storming across to him and cupping his face in his hands to force him to look up at him.

"I can't ever hurt you," Blaine breathed, leaning his face into the warmth of Sebastian's palm.

"You won't," Sebastian reassured him, thumb swiping over Blaine's damp cheeks. "I trust you."

_Don't run away_

_Don't run away_

_Just tell me that you will stay_

_Promise me you will stay_

_Don't run away_

_Don't run away_

_Just promise me you will stay_

_Promise me you will stay_

"I'm no good for you," Sebastian whimpered, sitting curled up next to the door, his whole body twitching and convulsing.

"You're my everything, Bas, you can't leave," Blaine murmured softly, moving to sit next to him and pull him into his arms. "Don't run away from me. Not now, not ever."

"I'm disgusting," Sebastian sobbed, trying to wrench his hands free from where Blaine had them firmly in his grasp. On more than one occasion, he had tried to make himself sick to get the alcohol out of his system faster. From experience, Blaine had learned it really didn't help much.

"Hey, look at me," Blaine coaxed, turning to sit on his knees and encouraging Sebastian to do the same.

They sat facing one another, hands linked between them.

"I want you to make me a promise that you'll stay."

Sebastian nodded slowly, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. "Only if you promise too," he hiccoughed.

Blaine smiled softly, breaking the join with their hands to curl their pinky fingers together.

"I pinky promise that I will always stay with you," they murmured in unison, before falling forward, foreheads pressed together.

"I love you," Blaine whispered, brushing his lips against Sebastian's softly.

Sebastian nudged his nose against Blaine's, a small smile on his lips. "I love you too."

Exactly a year later, after only two more drinking incidents and three fits of anger, Blaine Anderson and Sebastian Smythe were married in a small ceremony in New York, surrounded by their closest friends.


	4. Paperweight

**A/N:** Based on the Joshua Radin song of the same name. A little bit of vague smut but it's not that bad.

* * *

_Been up all night_

_Staring at you_

_Wondering what's on your mind_

Sebastian had been plagued as a light sleeper all of his life; something that used to drive him crazy as a child and well through his teenage years. A little too much light, the slightest of noises, and he'd be up like a shot, with getting back to sleep taking anywhere from minutes to hours. He'd adjusted to it over time, of course, his body accustomed to the minimum amount of sleep so he could get through busy days without too much bother. The introduction of coffee into his life at the age of fourteen had helped immensely too.

But ever since his thing with Blaine had begun, he found himself being grateful for his sleeping habits, for the first time in his life. Because as much as Blaine was beautiful when awake, he was simply breathtaking in his sleep. Body pliant and smooth to the touch, soft puffs of air leaving rounded, parted lips. Dark curls shining against the pale of the pillow, impossibly long eyelashes fluttering, hiding those eyes that Sebastian loved so much. Liked. The eyes that Sebastian _liked_ so much.

They didn't have a word for what they were. Sebastian refused to label it a relationship, would never even consider calling Blaine his boyfriend. But that didn't change the fact that they lived together, had done for two years, and had been seeing each other for another year on top of that. Their friends knew not to push the topic anymore, the days of endless teasing, about how Sebastian probably wouldn't label it until they were married, gone. They were Blaine and Sebastian, in their own way, and it worked for them, even if no one could quite understand it. Sebastian wasn't even sure he understood it, but both he and Blaine appreciated that their friends had chosen to take the line of _if you're happy, we're happy._

And they were; happy, that is. Or, at least, Sebastian was. He sometimes wondered - more often than not during the moments in which he was awake and Blaine slept on - if Blaine was too. Sebastian could always tell when Blaine was upset, angry, frustrated, tired - except when it came to the status of them. In the past, they had argued about it a few times, when Sebastian had first moved in. But just like their friends, Blaine had finally dropped it, which Sebastian had taken as acceptance.

Occasionally, however, he would see a flash of something like remorse in Blaine's eyes. The slightest thing could cause it: they'd pass a couple on the street who were holding hands; they'd have dinner with a friend and their partner, the L-word getting dropped casually in their conversation; or even just with the sight of a flower shop.

There was one thing that Sebastian knew really bothered Blaine, if there was nothing else he could quite figure out, and that was that he refused to let either of them meet the other's parents. _Even friends meet their friends' parents!_ Blaine had protested incredulously when Sebastian's mother had come to visit and he'd been asked to go out for a little while. Blaine hated that not only did Sebastian's parents think he lived alone, but they had no knowledge even of his existence. Meanwhile, Blaine's parents, whom he was very close with, knew everything of their arrangement, gently encouraging their son to respect Sebastian's wishes and saying they'd meet him at a restaurant down the street instead.

Just as Sebastian had a list of words that were banned ('relationship' and 'boyfriend' being the top two) he also had events that could not happen, lest it should lead Blaine to believe they were something they would never be. This included meeting parents, as well as getting a joint bank account to make bill paying easier and paying for the other's anything when they went out. Sebastian had made compromises, but those things weren't up for discussion.

_I've been this way_

_With so many before_

_But this feels like the first time_

It was a quiet evening in the apartment, a typical Thursday. Sebastian sat at one end of the couch, glasses falling from his nose, buried in a thick, hardcover book, so old that pages were falling out and the smell of musty pages even reached Blaine's nose. Their feet with tangled together in the middle of the couch, the gentle tick of the kitchen clock the only noise between them besides the occasional rustle of pages. Blaine was working on some new music, a slow process as always, tapping the end of his pencil off the notebook in his lap, his gaze fixed on Sebastian.

Sometimes he wished he didn't love him as much as he did. Blaine had been in love with people before, there had been various _boyfriends_ and_ relationships_ before Sebastian had come along. What hurt the most was that he wasn't sure he'd ever felt quite this strongly about anyone in his life; and, of course, it was for the one man who refused to even entertain the idea of a true forever.

Mostly, Blaine just tried to be grateful for what he did have. He got to come home day after day to a smart, gorgeous, caring man with the body of a twenty year old model, not to mention the stamina of one. They would cook together, clean up together, spend the evening together, before falling into bed side by side, bodies meeting with heat and passion.

But that didn't stop Blaine from thinking about the things he missed out on. Actually being able to tell him how he felt about him without having to worry of how he might react. Going out on official dates or even just lacing their fingers together as they walked down a street. Many of his friends were getting married, some even having children, and he no longer knew if those were things that were even possible in his future. At least, not without saying goodbye to Sebastian, the man he loved and cherished above and beyond everything else in the world.

Blaine sighed inwardly, focusing his attention back on the page in front of him. Sometimes he reasoned that Sebastian must know about how he felt, if not through his actions, then through his music. Many of his songs spoke of longing, of love and of hidden feelings, and he knew for a fact that Sebastian listened to his music to calm him down when he was working on difficult case files.

_Maybe this will be the one_, Blaine wondered hopefully, staring at the scribbles of notes and words, still a jumble of thoughts on a page rather than a song in itself. Sebastian was always the first to hear his finished works and just maybe, with that one, he might finally understand. Maybe even enough to give them a chance to be something real.

_You want the sunrise _

_To go back to bed_

_I want to make you laugh_

_Mess up my bed with me_

_Kick off the covers_

_I'm waiting_

As far as Sebastian was concerned, regardless of what may happen between them when they were at home, they were not any kind of couple out in public. Even if he wouldn't admit it, perhaps that was why Sebastian was always in such a hurry for the daytime to be over, for him to be able to go back home and be Blaine's again.

Some days there were no words to be said between them, just the pull of their bodies as they made their way to the bedroom, the warmth of their mouths meeting as they reached the bed. Sebastian would quite happily spend hours exploring Blaine's body - and often, he really did. Mapping out the expanse of tanned skin with his tongue, fitting his hands into every smooth crevice and dip of him. Always returning to those full pink lips; kissing a practiced art between them by that time.

Blaine, on the other hand, liked the daytime, liked to be out in the light and the bustle of the city. For him, there was always something new to discover and explore out there. But Sebastian liked the night and the quiet of the darkness, when it could be just him and Blaine, and the mess and tangle of the sheets around them.

_Every word you say I think_

_I should write down_

_I don't want to forget_

_Come daylight_

_Happy to lay here_

_Just happy to be here_

_I'm happy to know you_

When they were alone, curled up in bed, the sweat still drying on their skin and heart rates still rushing erratically, Sebastian was at his most open. Sweet nothings whispered against Blaine's skin, interlaced with kisses and touches. Blaine wished more than anything that he could remember each and every word he said, maybe even write them down. Just for something to remind him of his Sebastian, when they were out in the real world and he could as well have been just an acquaintance.

"You're so beautiful, Blaine," Sebastian murmured on Monday.

"I'm so lucky to have you," whispered on Tuesday.

"Let's stay here forever," laughed on Wednesday.

"You make me feel complete," breathed on Thursday.

"You are my home," mumbled, already half asleep, on Friday.

And each time, Blaine would think just three words, three words he could never quite bring himself to say for fear that it would break the fragile balance of them. _I love you._ Maybe if their entire lives could just be laid in that bed, the world outside just a distant memory; maybe then they could be truly happy.

_Play me a song_

_Your newest one_

_Please leave your taste on my tongue_

_Paperweight on my back_

_Cover me like a blanket_

Sebastian sat at the foot of the bed, Blaine at the other end, his fingers moving gracefully over the guitar as he finished the final lines of his newest song; the one he'd been fiddling away with for nearly two months by then. It seemed as though every other song had been building up to that point, a gradual crescendo of emotion leading to the closest Blaine would probably get to truly admitting his feelings.

There was nothing Sebastian could say when Blaine finished; only one response would manage not to upset him, and it wasn't one he could even possibly consider giving. Regardless of the fact that perhaps it was true. At least, a little.

Instead, he responded in the way he knew best, gently moving Blaine's guitar from his hands before pushing him down against the bed, pouring everything into the slick glide of their tongues.

Sebastian rarely bottomed, but after the vulnerability Blaine had given to him, he felt it would be right. He protested quietly when Blaine tried to pull out, still draped across his back, their bodies connected tip to toe. But Blaine just shushed him gently, slipping out before resting down against him once more, a pleasant and reassuring weight against his back. That night, he slept soundly, waking up even later than Blaine did.

_And no need to worry_

_That's wasting time_

_And no need to wonder_

_What's been on my mind_

_It's you_

_It's you_

The light of the morning woke Blaine first, his back cold in contrast to the warmth of Sebastian below him. He was surprised to see he was still asleep; usually he was up hours before Blaine was, already up and getting on with things by the time he made it as far as the kitchen.

Sebastian knew, that much Blaine was certain of after the previous night. Maybe his response hadn't been quite all that he'd been hoping for, but it still felt like something had changed. It might take some time, but Blaine could hope that one day, the reassurance of his feelings would be enough to get Sebastian to let him in, wholly and completely.

_And I give up_

_I let you win_

_You win 'cause I'm not counting_

_You made it back_

_To sleep again_

_Wonder what you're dreaming_

It wasn't the first time Sebastian had tried to leave him, and it wouldn't be the last, but it was the only time he'd got as far as the door.

"Please stop doing this," Blaine sighed, rubbing over his face in exhaustion.

"You'd be better off without me," Sebastian murmured, hand twisting aimlessly on the doorknob. "This isn't what you want."

"I want you," Blaine replied with a sad smile. "In whatever way I can get you."

One look at Blaine's expression and Sebastian was dropping his bag, throwing the door closed before he walked back over to him, falling into his arms.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian whispered, burying his face into the crook of Blaine's neck. He was home, and the truth was, he wouldn't ever be able to leave, even if he wanted to.

Blaine held him close, one hand tight on the back of his neck. "I know."

Sebastian continued to enforce his rules and the pair continued in their strange state of cohabitation. But Sebastian would never make it out of that door. There was an unbreakable line between Blaine and Sebastian, one that would outlive even the men themselves, a connection that could not be severed, broken nor damaged. Because labels or the lack thereof couldn't change the fact that Blaine was Sebastian's and Sebastian was Blaine's. Forever.


	5. Poison & Wine

**A/N: **Based on the Civil Wars song of the same name (very loosely, with this one.) **Warning! Major character death. **

* * *

Blaine had always had a thing about bicycles. He liked that he could dodge around the traffic, weaving his way through gridlocked junctions with ease and an abundance of grace. He liked that he could cut through the park on his way to work, the leaves fluttering above his head as the wind whipped past him. He liked that he didn't have to worry about the ever-rising cost of gas (despite Sebastian's protests that he shouldn't have to anyway) and he liked that he was doing at least a little to help the environment.

Really, Sebastian could find little reason to complain. There was something so beautiful about Blaine on a bicycle that warmed him right to the tips of his toes. Not to mention the weekends spent whizzing through quiet lanes and forest paths, Sebastian tucked on the back of Blaine's bicycle, keeping each other warm in the breeze.

But how Sebastian wished Blaine hadn't taken the bicycle that day.

It was foggy, a dull mist settling over the city, the damp chill seeping right down to Blaine's skin as he rode through the centre. It was the middle of the day on a Wednesday, so the roads were relatively quiet. Those were his favourite times, when he could ride and ride, breath coming out in pants as he sped up, zipping around corners with a giddy grin.

Blaine's ears perked up, the chirp of birdsong tickling somewhere near him. He turned his eyes from the road, just long enough so he could have a look, so he could see what it was that was producing such a wonderful sound. But that look became just a moment too long and by the time he turned back, he was hurtling towards a pedestrian crossing, far too fast to slow in time.

A small child was already halfway across the road, a little blonde girl, pigtails up with a vibrant red bow, her eyes focused entirely on her feet as she skipped over the painted markings.

Blaine knew he couldn't stop. He also knew chances were slim of the girl noticing in time, let alone her apparently idle babysitter who was trailing behind, still on the sidewalk, texting furiously. He did the only thing he could think to do, a moment of blind panic, his body moving on autopilot. He swerved.

His bicycle caught on the edge of the sidewalk, the entire frame flipping, Blaine's body flying into the air. He curled up into a ball on instinct, flinching at the sickening crack of his impact with the pavement. His head was throbbing, a fiery sharp pain at the base of his spine spreading right up to his neck, his whole body aching uncomfortably.

When Blaine next awoke, he was in the clinical uniformity of a hospital bed. He could barely move, every part of him numb or aching in some way. Even keeping his eyes open felt like a kind of brutal challenge, dizziness crashing through him in waves. He wasn't sure if he wanted to sleep or throw up or something else entirely. He passed out again just seconds later.

_You only know what I want you to_

_I know everything you don't want me to_

_Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine_

_Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine_

The doctors never sugarcoated it, from the moment Blaine was brought in. In the first few days, he could barely stay conscious long enough to even listen to anything they were saying, but Sebastian heard it all. Severely damaged, was repeated a few times. Nothing anyone could do, emphasised periodically. A few weeks at most, on an almost daily basis.

In the last couple of days, it was, to an untrained eye like Sebastian's, almost like Blaine was getting better. He couldn't quite sit up, nor could he do much beyond open his eyes and mumble a few words in reply to Sebastian, but it was something. It was hope, a momentary flash at the very least.

Yet, the doctors kept gently reminding him about the goodbyes. About how he'd regret it if he didn't. So, Sebastian sat, day and night at Blaine's bedside, trying to find the words to say goodbye. Except there were none - a million words in the English language there may be, but no combination could ever be made to express what he needed to.

"It's a shame all those wedding plans will go to waste," Blaine whispered on the last day, his eyes glazed over slightly with tears, his hand largely limp in Sebastian's.

And that was the moment in which Sebastian realised that yes, he really would have to say goodbye. "We got married three years ago, B," he reminded him gently.

Blaine's eyes flickered for a moment, a soft smile quirking at the corners of his cracked lips. "Oh, yes. Such a beautiful wedding," he murmured, although he still looked a little confused.

"I love you more than anything, you know that?" Sebastian began softly, the flutter of Blaine's eyelashes enough of a response for him. "You are the one that shouldn't have been for me and yet always was. You're like sunshine and I'm the black cloud that threatens to cover it. But you always try to bring out the sunshine in me. Because you are the only one who ever really saw it at all."

Sebastian choked back a laugh, not even bothering to try and wipe away the tears that were spilling endlessly down his cheeks. "You are my forever, Blaine. And the world is cruel to take you from me," he whispered hoarsely, as his husband's eyes closed, for the last time.

_Oh I don't love you but I always will_

_Oh I don't love you but I always will_

_Oh I don't love you but I always will_

_I always will_

The funeral was probably perfect. Sebastian couldn't remember most of it. It was like a daze, of people, whose names he'd forgotten, telling him how much Blaine would be missed. Of photos of his beautiful, beloved Blaine scattered everywhere, the bright smile that would shine no more.

There was only one moment from the entire day that Sebastian truly remembered. He'd been allowed one last moment alone, him and the half-closed wooden box. It wasn't a corpse, nor was it Blaine. It was a box. Boxes can't be feared, they can't make one upset. It was just a harmless box.

"What am I supposed to do if you're not here to be loved?" he asked quietly, eyebrows furrowed slightly. He lay a single white fabric rose over Blaine's chest, sighing at how the brightness contrasted with the dark tone of his hair, his eyelashes. "But then again," he smiled crookedly. "We both know I could never stop loving you."

The coffin was lowered into the ground a short while later, the first splash of dirt covering over the word engraved in gold over the top. _Always._

_I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back_

_The less I give the more I get back_

As time went by, more and more of Sebastian's friends and family seemed to take to calling in unannounced. They just wanted to see how he was doing, that was all, they persisted. Just wanted to make sure he was eating, and sleeping, and showering, and getting up in the mornings.

Yes, Sebastian would reply and graciously throw them out of the house. He knew what they were really there for - to see if it was true. True that the house retained every single touch as if Blaine would be back in ten minutes, an hour, at most. His keys on the hook, his shoes by the door, his beanie on the dresser.

The first few nights, Sebastian had thought it would be better just to try and forget. He'd drunk himself into a state of complete peace, his body lax yet thrumming, his mind struggling to make sense of the simplest things. But even then, he could remember one thing very clearly, above all else: _Blaine._

From that point on, he'd developed a new approach. Any attempt to forget was futile, it would come to nothing and would only serve to cause another twist in his gut as the memories came flooding back involuntarily. Instead, he would remember; but more than that, he would live through the dreams of the past.

Sebastian's life out with the boxes of photos and the shirts and the books and the everything that made up Blaine, all contained within their house, was rather minimal. He went to work, for the sake of a mortgage that was by then only being paid by one person. Also, to some extent, for the sake of appearances. At least then his colleagues could report that yes, Sebastian was getting up, leaving the house, washing his hair, and so on, on his behalf.

It all came down to the motions. The little, mundane activities that he would work through, all in the content knowledge that at the end of the day, there were more memories awaiting him at home.

In that way, Blaine was still with him. And if he were not gone, he could not be missed. If he could not be missed, Sebastian could not be broken. And so, life went on.

_Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise_

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you_

It took far longer than Sebastian would perhaps care to admit to really come to terms with the truth of the situation. Once he did, he realised that the small changes would not quite be enough. He could put Blaine's keys in a drawer, or he could sell the house and buy a smaller, one-person apartment nearer to the office. He could stuff Blaine's shoes in the back of the closet or he could give them to a charity shop. The beanie, however, would sit atop his head on the blustery days, as he fondly thought on his late husband.. Fondly, but without convincing himself that he would return home to find Blaine sprawled on the sofa, asleep over a Tolstoy novel and half a cold mug of tea.

If there was one thing Sebastian knew for certain, it was that he wouldn't change a single moment of what he had had with Blaine, to save himself any pain it might have caused. He'd never attributed much as being down to luck, nor did he consider himself lucky. But Blaine was his lucky star, his drop of fate that he had never deserved but had somehow been granted all the same.

Eight years. Eight years of happiness was more than enough for Sebastian to accept the decades of emptiness that may follow. In all honesty, Sebastian didn't have a choice; he was tied to Blaine whether he should want to be or not. But should that magical genie appear from the heavens and offer to break the tie? He would shove him right back into his magical lamp with a huff of _good riddance._

The worst moments came late at night, when Sebastian tossed and turned in a bed that was far too big for just him, the cool metal of his wedding band digging into his finger. Those were the moments when he wondered why he hadn't been able to alter what had happened. If only he'd agreed to meet Blaine at a different place for lunch, if only he'd called and cancelled, if only he'd-

But then morning would come and Sebastian would rise, to the sight of Blaine's smile from the photo on his nightstand. That smile had always had the ability to tell Sebastian what he already knew. In that case, it was that he could talk about what ifs until the moon and every one of the stars died out, but it would not alter the past.

Blaine's smile told him it was another morning, another day. Blaine's smile encouraged him to smile himself. But most of all, Blaine's smile told Sebastian that he was always with him, to balance him out in a way only he ever could have.


	6. Dreaming With a Broken Heart

**A/N:** Based on the John Mayer song of the same name.

* * *

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart _

_The waking up is the hardest part _

_You roll outta bed and down on your knees _

_And for the moment you can hardly breathe _

There's that lull, right in the moment when one's body is fighting between remaining in a blissful state of sleep, or tipping over into consciousness, to allow oneself to wake up. Blaine wished more than anything that he could fight it; push away the inevitable and just continue to sleep.

But there was only so long he could push against it, especially when he'd been asleep for nearly sixteen hours by that point. His stomach was growling incessantly, the intensity of the furl of hunger in his gut nearly making him feel sick.

The bed was too big and it was bothering him more than it probably should have. The opposite side was cold, the sheets untouched, yet another aching reminder that Sebastian was gone.

Blaine managed to push himself up, swinging his legs out of the bed. Convincing himself it was better just to keep going since he'd begun to build up some momentum, he shifted his weight onto his feet, pulling himself upright. It lasted maybe a second before his knees gave way and he crumpled at the side of the bed.

Whether it was the exhaustion and intensity of all that had happened in the last few weeks, or simply down to the fact that he hadn't eaten a solid meal in nearly a week, Blaine wasn't sure. Either way, he allowed himself that moment, just to sit, head bowed, breath coming out in labored pants.

The wood floor was pleasantly warm beneath his knees, baked from the strip of sunlight streaming in through the gap in the curtains. When he finally opened his eyes, he could see the dust circling around him in the light, a sense of calm settling over him, at least for the time being.

"At least I made it out of bed," he joked to himself quietly, his voice dry and cracked from dehydration; before he curled up into a ball on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest with a choked sigh. His gaze fell to the silver engagement band on his finger, scratching his thumb over the metal absentmindedly. How different things would have been, had Sebastian not left that day.

_Wondering was she really here? _

_Is she standing in my room? _

_No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone... _

"What are you doing on the floor, beautiful?" Sebastian laughed softly, his face hanging down from the side of the bed. His hair was falling down over his vibrant eyes, his eyelashes still fluttering from sleep.

"I'm not sure," Blaine replied quietly - to a room that was, in fact, empty.

"Come back to bed," the Sebastian in Blaine's mind yawned, arching his back as he stretched his arms above his head. His body was all smooth muscle, painted with trails of freckles and light hairs. "I plan on ravishing you at least twice before breakfast, husband."

The front door of the apartment slammed, snapping Blaine from his daydreams abruptly.

"Sebastian?" he called out hoarsely, dragging himself to his feet and stumbling towards the door.

"Just me, squirt," Cooper responded gently, flashing him a sympathetic smile. "I brought groceries," he offered, holding up the bag with a flourish.

"Oh," Blaine shrugged, turning from his brother and heading back towards the bed, kicking the door shut behind him as he went.

He heard Cooper sigh through the door and buried his head further under the pillow, until even the sounds of the city outside were just a muffled haze of noise.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart _

_The giving up is the hardest part _

_She takes you in with your crying eyes _

_Then all at once you have to say goodbye _

No one had seen it coming, least of all Blaine. The day before the wedding, he'd woken up in Sebastian's arms, as always, rousing his fiancé with kisses peppered over his chest and face.

"We're getting married tomorrow," Sebastian grinned lazily, tracing the curve of Blaine's spine, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

Blaine leaned up to press a soft kiss to his jaw before resting his head in the crook of Sebastian's neck, breathing in his familiar warmth.

"Are you nervous?" he asked finally, pressing a thumb against the curve of Sebastian's hipbone.

Sebastian hummed thoughtfully for a moment before smiling once more. "No," he answered honestly. "I thought I would be but I just feel..calm. Like it makes sense, you know?"

Blaine nodded, his curls tickling at Sebastian's chin. "I love you."

Sebastian chuckled lowly, arms circling him tightly to haul him up so they were pressed together, chest to chest, nose to nose. "I love you too," he whispered, sealing it with a kiss, hand firm on the back of Blaine's neck.

Leaving Sebastian for the night had been bizarre in many ways; Blaine being so used to his presence and weight beside him at the best of times, but especially when he slept. Perhaps if he'd known it would be the last time he would see Sebastian, he wouldn't have let him leave his side, traditions be damned.

The hall was beautiful, almost extravagantly so; lined with flowers, bows, ribbons and an abundance of light, that made Blaine feel like he, too, was lit up from the inside. He hadn't been able to knock the grin off of his face all morning, his cheeks almost aching from the force of it.

"I'm getting married today," he chirped for what must have been the hundredth time as Sam passed him his suit jacket, smiling fondly.

"Really? I had no idea," he commented, earning him a playful nudge.

The pair made their way into the main hall, nearly tripping over a string of fairy lights that were still being fixed up. Sam caught his arm with a huffed laugh, mumbling something about hoping to get him to the honeymoon in one piece.

Every seat in the hall was filled; friends, family and loved ones smiling and chattering between themselves excitedly. Sam had one hand firm over Blaine's shoulder, mostly to keeping him from bouncing up and down on his heels at he had been doing just moments before.

The doors at the other end of the hall opened with a creak, a fresh beam of light spilling in. Every head turned, expecting to see the other groom and his best man, but there was only one figure. Hunter stepped forward a little, eyes fixed on Blaine's and hesitating just a second before he shook his head.

A shocked silence settled over the guests, Sam's hand tightening on Blaine's shoulder to an almost uncomfortable level. Blaine stood frozen for a moment, a confused smile slowly falling from his face. Without a word, he spun on his heel and walked swiftly towards the side door, ignoring the bewildered and uncertain faces of those around him.

He kept walking, through the maze of rooms, out towards the back parking lot where he knew his car was sitting. Blaine could hear voices calling out after him, telling him to slow down, to wait, not to panic, but it didn't matter. Because none of those voices were Sebastian.

_Wondering could you stay my love? _

_Will you wake up by my side? _

_No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone... _

Blaine drove for days on end, stopping only to down cup after cup of tasteless, questionably watery coffee from gas stations. He dodged endless curious looks and a few questions as to his attire; still dressed for the wedding, if beginning to look a little scruffy around the edges.

He didn't even know where to look, hadn't thought to ask anyone before he'd left, and most of Sebastian's family had permanent residence out of the States anyway. He just thought that maybe if he kept driving, if he kept looking, Sebastian would appear. Tell him he was just nervous, that it was just too much. That he still loved him and of course he still wanted a forever. Yet Sebastian was nowhere to be found.

Ultimately, it was Cooper that found Blaine, instead. He cut him off at a service station just out of the city, dragging him back to his apartment with a level of persistence he usually reserved only for his acting masterclasses.

"Do you want me to stay?" Cooper asked hesitantly, unsure in a way he rarely ever was.

"No," Blaine replied shortly, giving him barely a glance before he shut the door in his face and turned to face his apartment.

_Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand _

_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? _

It was as if it had turned into a florist's overnight. Bouquet upon bouquet of flowers, all with tags of congratulations and best wishes. With the flowers, there were presents, boxes with elaborate ribbons and sparkly gift wrap, that Blaine couldn't even begin to acknowledge yet.

He threw his suit jacket down over the couch and tugged the bow tie free from where it had been hanging loose from his collar. From the largest bouquet, in the centre of the room, he pulled out a single red rose, closing his fist tightly around it as he made for the bedroom.

When Blaine awoke the next morning, there were deep scars torn through his palm from the thorns of the rose, his hand caked with dried blood. And Sebastian was still not there.

_Baby won't you get them if i did? _

_No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone... _

It took months. Months of phone calls, voicemails and messages before Blaine managed to get hold of any of Sebastian's family members; having drawn dead ends with Hunter and the rest of his friends. But finally, Sebastian's elder sister picked up the call, albeit with a reluctant sigh.

"Blaine, you've got to stop calling everyone," Cassie murmured gently.

"I need to know if he's okay, please, Cass, you've got to-"

"He's fine, Blaine. He's alright. He says he's sorry."

Blaine faltered, wetting his lips as he clutched the phone to his ear tightly. "Do you know where he is?"

Cassie ignored the question, gliding over it smoothly. "He's sorry and he thought he could do it but-" Her voice became muffled, as if she'd put her hand over the phone. "What? You want me to say-? Okay, right.. Blaine, you still there?"

"Put him on the phone," Blaine demanded, heart racing uncontrollably. "I know he's there, don't even try and lie to me."

"Blaine."

Nothing could have prepared him for hearing Sebastian's voice again, the heart-wrenchingly familiar lilt of it clear even through the phone. "Bas," he whispered, letting out a shaky breath.

"Blaine, just listen to me, okay? I really need you to listen."

Blaine nodded, before realising Sebastian couldn't see him. "I'm listening, I promise."

"I thought that it was what I wanted - all of it, the whole forever thing. But..it's not. It never was, it's just not me. And you know that, I don't why we thought.. Anyway. I'm not coming back, B..Blaine. You deserve someone who can give you that, because I know it's what you want."

"I want you," Blaine pleaded, silent tears creating thick tracks down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," Sebastian murmured, the weight of the finality of it all really hitting them both for the first time in that moment. Because it wasn't just an apology, it was a goodbye.

"I love you," Blaine tried desperately.

There was a pause before Sebastian replied. "I know."

Blaine bit down on his lip to stop himself from making a sound, not wanting Sebastian to hear him cry through the phone, when he wasn't there to comfort him. When he was the one causing him to feel like that in the first place. Not that he could blame Sebastian yet; maybe the anger would come later, the furious hatred for what he'd done, and how he'd done it. But right then, Blaine still just wanted his Sebastian back.

"Just know this, Blaine. If I ever could have done forever with anyone, it would have been with you." And the line went dead.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart _

_The waking up is the hardest part _


	7. Arms

**A/N:** Based on the Christina Perri song of the same name. Warnings for infidelity. Also, since it's the last one, I couldn't help but give it a happy ending...

* * *

_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart_

_But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start_

Sebastian had heard plenty about Blaine Anderson since his move to Dalton at the beginning of the year. He'd only gotten one glimpse of the golden boy before he'd transferred, a blow felt not only by the Warblers but the student population as a whole. He hadn't needed Nick's nudge to tell him that that was Blaine; for whatever reason, he just knew.

It was like all the breath had been knocked out of him as he caught a glimpse of brightly illuminated amber coloured eyes, before the boy was turning and walking away. If that hadn't caught Sebastian's attention enough, the curve of his ass in those perfectly fitting Dalton standard-issue pants certainly did.

Then one day, Blaine had simply appeared in the door of their rehearsal room, with a sort of fond nostalgia painted across his face, looking the very definition of dapper and debonair, right down to the immaculately styled hair and bow tie. Sebastian wanted him. And what Sebastian wanted, he would get, at whatever cost.

Blaine would never forget the first time he saw Sebastian Smythe. With those vibrant green eyes that seemed to pierce right through him, that easy charm that practically made Blaine weak at the knees. In that moment, he couldn't think of anything, or anyone, else. It was just this boy, this boy that was reaching out for him, the slightest touch of their fingers sending sparks shooting through his arm, and the rest of the world had all but disappeared.

It had taken a significant amount of coaxing on Sebastian's part for Blaine to even the entertain the idea of cheating on his apparently wonderful boyfriend, but he was nothing if not persistent. For one thing, he arranged with the barista at the Lima Bean that every drink Blaine ever ordered would be on him, complete with complimentary biscotti; which would have been worth it just for the flushed smile that would grace his face every time, without fail.

Sebastian's best move, he decided, was just to turn up everywhere, as often as possible. The more often Blaine saw him, the less he would be able to resist, because both of them knew as well as each other that he did want it, even if he wasn't quite ready to forgo his morals for it.

When it finally happened, Blaine had had a bad day. From what Sebastian got out of him when he called, he was frustrated, McKinley's glee club persistently shooting down his ideas and sidelining him even though he was just trying to help. Blaine was a people-pleaser almost to a fault, but Sebastian couldn't help but find it endearing.

"Why don't you come over? I'm at home for the weekend, where there's snacks and movies galore."

Just as Sebastian had hoped, what should have been a simple movie night ended up with Blaine pinned underneath him on the couch in the living room within approximately twenty minutes.

Sebastian hadn't pushed it; persistent was one thing, but he would never do anything against someone's will. Blaine had been the one to slide closer to him on the couch, the one to let his hand rest on Sebastian's thigh, the one to slip his hand round the back of his neck and press their lips together. Blaine had been the one to murmur _I need you_ into his ear in such a breathy, desperate way that Sebastian couldn't possibly have resisted, even if he hadn't been half-hard from the moment the boy below him had sucked a dark mark against his collarbone.

_You put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

Sebastian didn't let people sleep over, nor did he stay overnight anywhere else. But when he'd slipped out of Blaine and gazed down at how beautiful he looked, panting and flushed, eyelashes fluttering almost seductively, he didn't have the heart to kick him out.

Which was how he ended up waking the next morning with Blaine curled up in his arms, the puff of his breath tickling his chest lightly.

"Good morning," Blaine mumbled sleepily, a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth as he moved to pepper kisses along Sebastian's jaw.

"Morning," Sebastian replied, unable to stop a matching grin slipping over his own face. "How about some breakfast?"

It was official. Blaine Anderson had _ruined_ him.

It never felt like that with Kurt. Never did Blaine wake up feeling so content, peaceful and generally happy that he wanted to sing from the rooftops. Everything with Sebastian felt so natural; had done from the moment they'd met, in many ways. The easy flirting became easy brushes of their hands, which suddenly became easy kisses and easy tumbling into bed together.

He supposed he should feel guilty; he'd just cheated on his boyfriend with someone he knew the other disliked greatly. But right then, he couldn't even begin to form the idea of what he had done as being in any way wrong. For the first time in his life he felt truly loved and safe. He felt like he'd come home.

_How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?_

_I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown_

Inevitably, the guilt did kick in. The first time, it happened only once Blaine got back home, finally turning his phone back on to see a few texts from Kurt. Out of the safety of Sebastian's arms, the full weight of what he'd done hit him with force. He just made it to the bathroom in time before he was throwing up violently, his whole body shaking.

"I'm a terrible person," he whispered to himself, resting his forehead against the cool tile of bathroom floor as he cried quietly.

Yet, he went back to Sebastian. At first it was once a week, then a few times a week, until it was at the extent that he probably saw more of him than he did the boy he was supposedly dating. Often, they didn't even do much more than kiss and curl up on the couch, talking about any little thing they thought of.

The thing about Sebastian was that Blaine never felt like he had to hide any part of himself. He didn't have to reel in his enthusiasm or passion for fear that Sebastian would be in some way intimidated or even irritated by it. Sebastian accepted the person that Blaine was, and for that he was grateful.

"This is the last time," Blaine would say some mornings, scrambling from the bed as he gathered up his clothes. "I can't do this, I'm not this person."

Sebastian, meanwhile, would stay perfectly still. He would simply sit in bed, watching Blaine carefully as he moved around his room, offering only a half-smile at most in response. There was no point in him arguing, because he knew Blaine would always come back.

_I hope that you see right through my walls_

_I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling_

_I'll never let a love get so close_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

Blaine had never meant to fall in love with Sebastian. Not when it had been a one time thing, and not even when it had become a more regular occurrence. He hadn't even realised at first, didn't register the way his heart rate sped up just at the thought of him, the giddy smile that would cross his face at the memory of his eyes, his lips, his laugh.

No one questioned it, because they all assumed he was just in love - with _Kurt._ And he, too, was so caught up in other things to notice that there could be something else going on. So Blaine would sit, in the back of the choir room, drowning out the noises around him and counting down the seconds until he could go and see his Sebastian.

Except Sebastian wasn't his, not really. While Blaine did know for a fact that Sebastian wasn't sleeping with anyone else besides him at the current time, he was also painfully aware that they'd never discussed what they really were, what it could be.

It didn't matter though. It didn't stop Blaine from all but running from his car up to Sebastian's front door, jumping into his arms the moment he answered it and pressing their lips together softly.

"What's gotten in to you?" Sebastian chuckled, holding him tightly.

Blaine shrugged, burying his face into the crook of Sebastian's neck. "I missed you." _I love you._

_The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved_

_I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone_

Kurt eventually found out, of course. Rachel had been driving through Westerville with her dads one evening and seen Blaine greeting Sebastian with a kiss at his front door. That had been enough to prompt Kurt to steal his phone for a moment and scroll through his texts, which only confirmed what Rachel had seen.

Blaine supposed he should be upset that Kurt had left him, but really he should have ended things with him long ago. He'd meant to; in that way when one says they will do something but somehow it always gets pushed to the side. Perhaps it was for security; he didn't know what he and Sebastian were, so at least he would have the safety net of his boyfriend to fall back on.

Kurt was surprisingly not as angry as he'd expected; he'd known things had changed between them and if his finding out meant they could stop pretending to be something they hadn't been for a long time, then maybe it was for the best. Nevertheless, the end of their relationship made a significant dent in their friendship too.

Being first and foremost Kurt's friends, the New Directions were quick to turn their backs on him after what had happened, which only made his return to Dalton that much easier. The blazer fit just like it always had, the weight of it on his shoulders wonderfully familiar.

"Hey there," Blaine whispered, leaning up on his tiptoes to let his breath ghost across Sebastian's ear.

"Blaine?" Sebastian whirled around, taking in the sight of the other boy not only at Dalton, but in full uniform. "What happened?"

Blaine frowned, stepping back a little. "You don't look particularly happy to see me," he joked feebly, worrying at his lip a little.

Sebastian shook his head. "Of course I am, but I..don't understand?"

"Kurt found out, we're over," Blaine murmured, a momentary crash of guilt flooding through him.

"You don't seem that upset," Sebastian frowned, ducking his head to look him in the eye. "I mean, you must have felt something for him or you would have broken up with him ages ago."

Blaine nodded, humming vaguely before he straightened up, smiling softly. "But, don't you realise what this means?" he began, reaching to entwine their hands between them. "We can be together, properly. No more sneaking around."

Sebastian pulled back sharply, one eyebrow raised. "Come on, Blaine. You know that's not the kind of guy I am."

Blaine's face fell, arms folding across his chest tightly. "But we.."

"We had fun," Sebastian shrugged, not quite meeting his gaze. "It was never going to be anything more. You and I both knew that, so don't give me that kicked puppy look."

Blaine choked back a sob, hitching his bag onto his shoulder. "Right, yeah, well. I'll see you around them," he whispered, before turning and swiftly running down the corridor. He refused to let Sebastian see him cry.

Sebastian cursed under his breath, sinking onto the bench in exhaustion. His breathing was erratic, his hands shaking slightly as he tried to steady himself. It was taking all his strength to stop himself from calling out after Blaine, telling him that of course he wanted that, of course he loved him.

But he couldn't, not under any circumstances. It was just a gateway to getting hurt; that's all relationships were, pain, heartbreak and unnecessary complications. He'd gotten too close to the fire and he'd gotten singed; he was not about to let himself get burnt.

_I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth_

_And I've never opened up_

_I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

Blaine tried once more, turning up to the door of Sebastian's house. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days, his hair wild and free, soaked to the bone as he stood shivering in the pouring rain on the doorstep.

"Tell me it meant nothing to you. Tell me and then I'll leave you alone forever, I promise," Blaine begged, his voice hoarse and cracked.

Sebastian faltered, the hand that was on the doorframe tightening almost to a painful level. "It didn't mean anything to me," he whispered through gritted teeth, his stomach churning. It felt so wrong saying that to Blaine, to the one person he'd ever truly loved in his entire life.

Blaine nodded, smiling sadly. "Thank you," he whispered, before turning and trudging back down the path, head bowed, feet slipping over the wet path.

Sebastian watched him walk away and all he could think of was how much he missed having Blaine in his arms. Burying his face into the top of his head, hands resting low on his back or trailing circles over his soft skin. He missed it so much that it was like a physical ache within him.

"Blaine, wait!" Sebastian yelled, running from the house down towards him, the rain lashing down and clouding his vision.

Blaine turned around, hands shoved into his pockets. "What?" he asked with a sigh, giving him a dejected glance.

"I thought I was strong enough to resist you, to resist _this_, but I'm not," Sebastian panted, drawing up right in front of him. "And if that's what being strong is, I think I'd rather just be weak. I want you, Blaine Anderson." He paused, smiling softly. "I think I'm sort of madly in love with you."

Blaine looked up, eyes flickering in confusion, but there was a hopeful warmth beneath it all. "I think I am too," he laughed, before they were crashing together, arms circling each others wet bodies as the rain kept pouring down around them.


End file.
